After a while, it started raining. I don’t know how long I had been standing there in that spot but as the tears of this earth fell upon me, I felt empty and dead inside. Everyone around me ran for cover or extracted their umbrellas, but I stayed where I was, allowing the cool droplets to eventually drench me in their sorrows.

There you sat, across the street at the local park. We were supposed to meet there. I was supposed to have been there ten minutes ago, but my feet stayed rooted to this spot so close, yet so far from you. You looked so happy as you stood there under your umbrella, outstretched hand capturing the large raindrops that fell before you. Was that smile for me? Were you that happy to meet up with me?

At this point, I praised the rain for hiding my own sorrows from the world, but as my tears mixed with the rain and rolled down my face, I felt the small sting the salt water gave to the scrape on my cheek, the cut on my lip. How was I supposed to approach you like this? I had promised this would never happen again. I had promised to give up my old life and to be better for you… but the thrill of the fight had devoured me. It devoured me to the point where I couldn’t stop, even when I had gone too far, even when the other body was lifeless beneath me.

How was I supposed to approach you like this? The rain was slowly washing the blood from my hands and face but the stains on my shirt just seemed to soak in deeper and deeper. You didn’t deserve this. You deserved everything but… I’m sorry… I won’t be the one that would be able to give you the world.

My throat was closing up and it was becoming very hard to hold back the sobs that wanted to rock through my body. How could I not cry as I looked across the street at the perfection that was you? The perfection that I knew I had no right to obtain?

You twirled in a circle and laughed to yourself as you splashed in a small puddle at your feet. I wasn’t expecting you to look this way. I wasn’t expecting our eyes to meet across that street. I wasn’t prepared for the overflow of love and joy you radiated as you waved at me and took a step forward. But, soon after, you froze, a look of confusion plastered across your face as you watched me take a step back.

Believe me when I say this. I didn’t want to let you go. I wish you could have been mine forever, but I’m someone who has nothing to offer you… and you deserve much more.